My wife and I have been married for twenty-four years with our twenty-fifth anniversary coming up in August. I remember when we were dating; she wanted to have a house full of children and most importantly, little girls. At the time, the thought frightened me a great deal, but we both agreed that we wanted to be just married for a while before starting a family.
The problem was for us, we both wanted children. The time just kept slipping by us. After about eight years of marriage, we started to actively trying. There were doctor visits and tests run. They diagnosed my wife with PCOS. We both had weight issues that didn’t help us out.
After fifteen years of marriage, a new door opened. We started the process of attempting to adopt. I had no problems with this since I was adopted myself. I remember my parents telling me how special I was and that they choose me because I was special. We could do this.
Heartbreak came as we were driving up to meet the mother and baby when we received a call that the mother changed her mind and decided to keep the baby. This really hit us both hard. We started to believe nothing we could do would get us to our dream of being parents.
I distinctly remember that November falling to my knees in the bathroom sobbing. I knew that our dream was shut off from us. After all, we were both getting close to being forty years old. At that point, I might as well change my name to Abraham.
In that moment of brokenness, which I did not even tell my wife about for over a year, I was praying. I surrendered myself and said, this is my dream but if it’s not God’s will, I am fine with that and I will still serve God. His will be done and not mine.
That was a defining moment. I sat there with the shattered remnant of our dreams of a family. What could I do? Be bitter or angry about it? Blame God? Give up? I probably went through all of these at one point. In the end, I chose to press on and accept that I have no control over the situation.
Now, you may have noticed from other posts, that we have a son. This was our miracle child. Everything about this boy filled me with awe and wonder. First off, that he was conceived at all was a miracle. Both of us took ill, but not at the same time. My wife was sick first and was in terrible shape. By the time she got better there was a one day window before I got the ick and was laid low. Well, that one window of opportunity seemed to be enough.
The day we found out that my wife was pregnant, she received a call from her Dad that her Grandmother in Arkansas had just passed away. We were both saddened by the news. I really liked her. She was sharp as a tack even though she was ninety-eight. She knew everything that was going on in the family—especially the things folks tried to shield her from. She had a marvelous spirit, and I always enjoyed being around her. She made me feel welcome.
We were visiting my mother in Tampa at the time and I had bought my wife tickets to the Tampa Bay Bucs game. She loves football and was trying to enjoy the game and mourn her Grandmother at the same time. I don’t remember much about the game other than having the feeling of what else can go wrong. We dropped our camera into a cup of Sprite.
My wife started to feel nauseous and on our way home, she bought a pregnancy test. I remember her saying that it was a waste of time and money as it couldn’t be that. Let’s just say that when we got back to my Mom’s house, she ended up using every test in the box as she could not believe the results.
More to the point, she refused to believe it until she saw a doctor. But, when we flew to Arkansas for the funeral, my wife whispered in her Grandmother’s ear, “We’re pregnant.” This was the only person she had told. I was under strict orders to keep my trap shut about it.
Sure enough, the doctor’s visit in January confirmed, she was pregnant. The pregnancy was not an easy one. We had a couple hospital visits as our boy wanted to come early. During the delivery, my wife’s blood pressure was a roller coaster, and the baby was in distress resulting in a C-Section. The whole time I had a feeling like I was holding my breath. Would this actually happen? But standing there that day, holding my new-born son was like nothing I ever could imagine.
But what about my wife’s dream of having many children and daughters? She could not be happier. She never knew she could love like she does our son. The dream of multiple children had ended. Last year, my wife had to have a hysterectomy. The blessing was that they found cancer but got all of it with the procedure.
The difficult part in the journey is learning contentment. Paul wrote “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content in any circumstance. I have experienced times of need and times of abundance. In any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of contentment, whether I go satisfied or hungry, have plenty or nothing. I am able to do all things through the one who strengthens me.”
I don’t think contentment is easy. Surely it can hurt during the rough times. But the acceptance of the situation for what it is, leads to peace. When you have peace in your circumstances, there is an opportunity to turn things around. Strive for more but be content with where you are.
What circumstances do you have that you are having difficulty finding contentment in? This was mine, I’d like to hear about yours.
Marbles of Opinion 